Fate is nothing but the deeds committed in a prior state of existence.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
…”This is Susan. I will be away from the office for an indeterminate time. Please leave your number and I will call you as soon as I return.”
David lowered the phone and looked at the receiver, “Shit!” He mumbled, sitting down heavily. It was anticlimactic in the extreme. He didn’t put the receiver back on the cradle but, instead, sat there looking numbly at it in his lap. Away for the office? She had to have been there! For just a second he felt sorrow with a modicum of relief. What had he told himself, “At least I will have tried, right?” Yeah! will shit, I didn’t expect to fail! And dismally at that.
For a number of seconds he looked to his past in silence asking himself why he had even dared to hope. Hope what? That she would run into his arms? That’s not the way life works; at least, not his. He caught glimpses of memories. Memories of Susan, his beating at the hands of Geoff, his childhood, his introversion, and his grandma. Lord knew he had loved Susan. And now he started feeling detachment. Detachment from his life as it was and, in doing so, started to realize just how alone he was at this point. Devastation, like a dark, black cloud was attempting to take hold of him. Just for a moment he felt the icy grip of depression, loss, and, what was this: self-pity? . But it was when he started to tear up that he shook himself out of his funk. Standing up he walked outside through the back porch to walk around the house. Looking at the paint job he saw a couple of spots he had painted a bit thinly. John either hadn’t noticed or had said nothing. Oh well, he wasn’t in the mood to touch them up anyway. Not now. Not with what had just happened.
The next morning David awoke with the letter still on his mind. More, he became contemplative about himself and how he came to be here; in this moment of time. He had gone outside to look again at the house trying as best he could to consider his reasons for just about everything he was at this point of his life. The letter had sparked this train of thought and a dream he had last night was of Susan as she stood watching Geoff assail him. He recalled now the look on her face of shock and horror as Geoff had beaten David to the ground.